How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
