bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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