if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You've changed since you got that strap on
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
