Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
