So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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