my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize