Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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