'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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