I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
