marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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