someone get that fucking seahorse.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I checked into jail on foursquare
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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