You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
