when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
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then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
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it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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