Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
