And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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