I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize