If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
