i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
