I think I died a long time ago.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
