just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
