My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
too bad you live with your parents still
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
