Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
