so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
