There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
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She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
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Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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