Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
