Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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