i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
