I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
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