So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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