she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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