i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You're like the curious george of whores
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
