i just wanna soil my oats bro
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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