are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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