He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
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You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
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I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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