This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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