Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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