i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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