what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
