sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
