dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
