I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
