My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
