The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
