I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
