I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
