I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
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Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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