Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
