Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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