Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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