You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
