Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
