hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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