Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Randomize
