I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
