im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
