Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
