Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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