Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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