Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
