Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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