i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
