you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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